Surrey, BC

The Wishing Star Lapointe Developmental Clinic

Topic: Power to Parent Part 2: Helping Children Grow Up

Registration: Contact The Wishing Star Lapointe Developmental Clinic at 778-294-8732 or info@lapointepsychology.com

A video course and discussion group facilitaed by Dr. Vanessa Lapointe is a two part series that focuses on Dr Neufeld’s revolutionary scientific approach that turns parenting right-side up.

For more information on the parent group please contact our office or download our brochure.

Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, R. Psych.
Wishing Star Founder

This past weekend I went out to Merritt, BC to present a workshop on Parenting the Energetic Child – as always the attendees were an inspiration and a joy to spend the day with! My amazing host – Lynn Snook – the regional advisor to the Infant Development Program in that area for a long while and a wonderful leader in this province in terms of how we support young children. She also is an angel who came and met me in Hope so I didn’t have to drive the snowy Coquihalla for which I am beyond grateful!! The Civic Center was all decked out for the holidays as Merritt was busy gettting ready for its annual Christmas parade and lighting festival this weekend. Best part of doing these workshops is seeing all this wonderful communities! And at my workshop, there were many very lovely particpants (a group of about 100). Amongst them, 3 gorgeous kiddos – the littlest participants of the day who provided some in-room inspiration for us all to focus on. Read more »

Although the counterwill impulse – that instinct that gives rise to resistance and oppositionality in children – is quite normal and even healthy in certain circumstances, its manifestations and impact can be highly disruptive. This basic human reaction is undoubtedly one of the most troublesome, misunderstood and misdiagnosed dynamics in childhood. In this four-session course, Dr. Neufeld makes sense of this perplexing phenomenon, including the three dynamics that control its existence and expression, and then presents a three-pronged approach for prevention and intervention. This course is highly relevant to a variety of audiences: parents of children of any age, educators from preschool to high school, professionals working with delinquent youth, or adults involved with children with severe behaviour problems.

Counterwill is a name for the instinctive reaction of a child to resist being controlled. This resistance can take many forms: opposition, negativism, laziness, noncompliance, disrespect, lack of motivation, belligerence, incorrigibility and even antisocial attitudes and actions. It can also express itself in resistance to learning. Despite the multitude of manifestations, the underlying dynamic is deceptively simple – a defensive reaction to perceived control or coercion. Counterwill is undoubtedly the most misunderstood and misinterpreted dynamic in adult-child relations. The simplicity of the dynamic is in sharp contrast to the trouble it creates – for parents, for teachers, and for anyone dealing with children. It creates a perplexing dilemma in that what is most demanded or expected from a child can become the least likely to be realized.

Understanding the role of counterwill in the development process is the key to knowing how to handle it. A three-pronged approach to safely defusing counterwill and to handling the resistant child or adolescent will be discussed.

Topics include:

• the many faces of counterwill
• the meaning of counterwill
• how to differentiate between counterwill that is healthy and counterwill that is a sign of something amiss
• a three-pronged approach to dealing with counterwill
• why praise and reward can backfire in some children
• why counterwill is normal in toddlers and preschoolers
• why the educational system provokes counterwill in our children
• why pervasive counterwill is a sign of attachment problems
• how children usually grow out of counterwill
• why chronic counterwill is a sign of psychological immaturity
• the importance of not taking counterwill personally
• how to prevent and defuse counterwill in children
• how to safeguard one’s relationship against the fallout from counterwill
• how to avoid a battle of counterwills
• how to differentiate between a child with a strong will and one with a strong counterwill
• how to help children grow out of counterwill

Attention problems are both common and diverse. The debilitating aspects of most attention problems can be grown out of if addressed properly, even when the symptoms are rooted in neurological dysfunction. Ignorance of the role of healthy development has lead to an overdependence upon medication and symptom management which in turn can undermine the very maturational processes that could effect a cure. After a life-time of involvement with children and adolescents with attention problems, Dr. Neufeld unravels the complexities to make sense of the underlying dynamics involved, paving the way for natural interventions that can lead to lasting change. This course is generally taught in a minimum of four sessions.

Course Objectives:

• to provide a basis of understanding from which to assess the nature of an attention problem
• to equip with strategies to address the roots of the attention problems where possible
• to provide a natural approach to treatment that has greater promise for effecting a lasting difference than a symptom management approach
• to provide an appreciation of the maturational factors in attention and how to address these
• to equip participants to differentiate between attention problems rooted in developmental arrest, attention problems rooted in defensive blindness, and attention problems rooted in neurological dysfunction

This four-session course is the result of more than 35 years of Dr. Neufeld putting the pieces of the aggression puzzle together. He has dealt with aggression from the toddlers to teens and from the most banal to the most violating. His rich professional experience with aggressive children and violent youth informs this refreshing approach to an age-old problem. Dr. Neufeld’s innovative working model of aggression has received international recognition and inspired a proposal for a 2 hour special in American public television. This material represents a significant breakthrough in the challenge of making sense of aggression. His highly effective approach has profound and revolutionary implications for treatment. The principles are applicable to children of all ages and useful for parents as well as well as educators and helping professionals.

Course objectives:

• to uncover the psychological roots of the aggression problem
• to recognize aggression in its many forms
• to provide a working model of aggression for purposes of assessment and intervention
• to appreciate the roots of the gender differences in aggression
• to learn to ‘read’ aggression effectively
• to reveal the role of the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex in aggression
• to differentiate between incident management and developmental progress
• to outline three basic steps towards addressing any aggression problem
• to provide an appreciation of the inverse relationship between adaptation and aggression
• to provide an understanding of why aggression is increasing among children and why aggression is a part of so many syndromes and disorders
• to outline six pivotal points of intervention in the aggression problem
• to provide an appreciation of why the conventional methods of behaviour management don’t work with aggression
• to equip participants to handle personal attacks
• to equip with strategies to help the immature grow out of their aggression problem

Crossing the bridge from childhood to adulthood has never been so daunting. Our highly complex society requires a lengthy adolescence and yet provides very few cues for parents and teachers on how to deal with it. An adolescent is neither child nor adult and therein lies the difficulties, the turbulence, the confusion and the challenges. What is nature’s purpose? What is the developmental design? What is meant to happen?

In this course, Dr. Neufeld takes the mystery out of adolescence and provides practical suggestions for how to successfully negotiate this tumultuous time. He gives both the tools and the eyes to see an adolescent through the journey, and articulates why now more than ever adolescents need our help to cross that bridge. Dr. Neufeld’s unique distillation of adolescent psychology and the integration of this material with his rich experience with teens both professionally and as a father, forms the basis for these insights and for the suggestions he provides in this course.

Some of the topics addressed include:

• the psychological changes at puberty that impact adolescents and those that parent and work with them
• how to deal with the premature loss of power and influence with an adolescent
• the rites of passage that must be endured for the adolescent to mature
• how to recognize when rebellion is healthy or a result of adults being replaced by peers
• the psychological temptations faced by adolescents on their journey to maturity
• how parents and teachers can avoid premature or forced retirement
• the two alternate paths to adulthood and societal integration
• how to preserve or restore one’s rightful place in an adolescent’s life
• the dangers of peer-orientation in the life of an adolescent
• how to differentiate between relationship problems and behaviour problems in the adolescent
• the role of dissonance and internal conflict in the life of an adolescent
• how to hold on without holding them back

Raising children is rewarding, but not always easy! Every child gets stuck from time to time on the road to maturation and every parent faces challenges at some point on the journey. At these times, we could all benefit from experienced insight and practical suggestions that are in the best interest of our children. In the first part of the Power to Parent series, The Vital Connection, we looked at the importance of relationship; in the second part, Helping Children Grow Up, we looked at the adult’s role in the miracle of maturation. In this course, Common Challenges, we look at effective and safe practices that honour and preserve the relationship, even when the problems seem daunting. In making sense of our child’s experience, we will be better equipped to lead them through challenging times. Although some attention is given to the more perplexing problems of childhood, the general thrust of the course concerns issues and challenges facing most every parent. The material is applicable to children of all ages. This course is best taken as the third part of the Power to Parent trilogy. While the focus is parents, educators and professionals can equally benefit from this course.

This course will help shed light on:

• the distinctives of the developmental approach
• recognizing the signs of a child in trouble
• the signs of stuckness
• the signs of a vulnerability too much to bear
• the behavioural signs of a child in trouble
• understanding the roots of behaviour
• the challenges of parenting a sensitive child
• how to soften a child’s defenses
• why children need to become resilient
• how to recover lost tears
• why it is important to take the lead as a parent
• how we can make it safe for our child to depend on us
• what discipline methods do not work when your child is stuck
• ways to compensate for the deficits and dysfunction of stuck kids
• how to handle incidents
• how to become the parent your child needs

How do we nurture our children and provide the necessary elements for growth? How do we remove the impediments to becoming their own persons? Building on the foundation of relationship in Part I of the series, The Vital Connection, this sequel focuses on how to help children realize their potential as human beings. Growing older is no guarantee of growing up. Childhood is when most of the growing up should occur but we need to know how to cultivate the maturing process. This course sheds light on the adult’s role in the miracle of maturation.The material is presented in such a way that it engages parents while educating professionals as well. This course is best taken as as sequel to Part I of the Power to Parent series. Since attachment is the context in which children were designed to be raised, right relationship is a prerequisite to helping our children become fully human.

This course will help shed light on:

• what it means to ‘raise a child’
• nature’s role in maturation
• the parent’s role in maturation
• how to give children the rest they need to grow
• how to provide more than is being pursued
• how to fulfill a child’s attachment hunger
• how to instill confidence in ourselves as providers
• how to keep the connection safe and secure
• how rest nurtures growth
• how attachment gives birth to emergence
• how to draw out emergent activity
• how to give the room a child needs
• how to get a child into the driver’s seat
• how nature moves a child to adapt
• why some children lose their tears and what the cost is
• what futilities children need to face
• how to present futility to a child and draw out sadness
• the natural solution to impulsiveness and egocentrism
• when a child is truly ready for social interaction
• the dangers of hurried parenting
• nature’s blueprint for building character
• how to set the stage for mixed feelings
• how to use ‘tempering’ as a discipline technique
• how to deal with the untempered child

In order for parenting to work, children – including teenagers – must be in right relationship to their parents. Nothing is more crucial or pivotal in parenting than this seldom recognized or addressed factor. In this course, Dr. Neufeld explains the concept of right relationship, providing practical suggestions for parenting children of all ages with attachment in mind. This course is the foundation of the Power to Parent series. Children are meant to be raised in the context of their attachments to the adults responsible and nothing will work right unless this context is cultivated and preserved. Although the focus of the course is parents and parenting, the material is equally applicable to the school setting and to treatment.

Some of the many topics addressed include:

• dealing with resistance and oppositionality in children
• addressing the roots of aggression
• preventing being replaced by competing attachments
• disciplining in ways that do not divide
• addressing separation problems and anxieties
• raising children who are capable of deep and fulfilling relationships
• dealing with kids who seek to dominate instead of depend on their parents

Typically divided into three parts for delivery purposes, it is recommended that the Power to Parent courses be taken as a complete set. Each of the three courses consists of 8 sessions that build upon previous content to masterfully guide parents, caregivers, and educators of children of all ages.

In Part I, the focus is on how to cultivate the context for raising children: right relationships with the adults responsible for the child.

In Part II, the focus is on how parents can help their children realize their true potential as human beings.

Part III provides guidance on how to handle the common behaviour problems without straining the child-parent relationship or sabotaging the conditions required for realizing one’s full potential.

The Power to Parent course delivers the best that developmental science has to offer to those who are our children’s best bet – parents and those who support them. The effect of the material is to restore parents to their natural intuition as well as to their rightful place in their children’s lives. Although some attention is given to the more perplexing problems of childhood, the general thrust of the course concerns issues and challenges facing most every parent.

Rather than dumbing parents down with prescriptive solutions and superficial strategies, this course truly informs and educates so that parents can become the true experts in their children’s lives. The basic attachment and developmental needs of children are uncovered so that parents can become the answer to these needs. Challenging problems are explained is such a way that the root problems can be addressed.

Dr. Neufeld has had exceptional success as a parent consultant, working with thousands of families over the years. In this series, he shares the insights and understandings that have changed the ways of countless of parents to the benefit of thousands of children.